The Fear of Death

The moment that changed everything began with an intense fear of death. Instead of running from it, the young Venkataraman faced it directly, leading to Self-realization.

One day in July 1896, while staying in his uncle’s house in Madurai, sixteen-year-old Venkataraman was sitting alone in an upstairs room. Without any apparent cause, a sudden fear arose within him. It did not come from illness or danger from outside. The fear took hold of him completely.

He became convinced that death had come. Instead of calling for help or attempting to move, he lay down on the floor. He stretched out his limbs and held his body rigid, imitating the condition of a corpse. He closed his lips tightly and held his breath, as though life had already left the body.

With his attention turned inward, he began to observe what was taking place. The body lay still, but he noticed that awareness remained. He examined the body as something separate, watching it as though it were an object. The body appeared lifeless, yet the sense of being did not disappear.

As he continued to observe, it became clear to him that the body was not himself. The body could become inert, but that which was aware of the body remained unaffected. The awareness did not depend on breath, movement, or thought.

After some time, the fear subsided completely. He rose from the floor, calm and composed. Nothing outward had changed in the room, but his attention no longer rested on the body or the surroundings.

From that moment onward, his interest in ordinary life began to fade. School, companions, and daily activities continued, but his inward absorption remained unchanged.